Meet Duda

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I am from Sao Paulo, Brazil. I was born and raised in Brazil, but I feel like I don’t really have a country. I am a person that always has been moving around a lot since I was 18, that was the first time that I left my city by myself. And I don’t know, I think I have like a gypsy soul.

I don’t need a country to call my own and I don’t need somebody to call my own, I’m like from the universe. I don’t believe in these things like borders. I’m actually really attracted to diversity, to different cultures, different people. And I guess what was really important for me when I left the first time was learning English, because this made me feel connected with everyone. I could share and understand things and see outside of my own country.

I guess my journey outside of living alone was definitely when I went to California. I think every time I move, and I go to a new city, I die. And then I am a different person. Like, I’m not the person that I was in California now at all. My tastes change. I think even my body, my face, my hair, everything is different. When I’m living in a place, it’s just like, I don’t know if I’m a little bit like a chameleon in this life, I guess. Because when I was in San Paulo I was in a style and I was doing some kinds of activities or having these kinds of people and the things just transformed a lot when I moved. 

Photo by Eleni Reynera

justifiably What’s your biggest struggle with your appearance? 

I think it’s phases from my life that I remember. Not being troubled by something that was blocking me in a way but more kind of a concern. When I was a teenager I had more this always on my mind these echoes in my head about how I look. In Brazil it’s difficult because there everything is really visual, and we have a stereotype so everyone has to be inside this little tiny box. In school I remember was horrible and I was always the crazy one. When people would sit there like “she is crazy” because I was always dyeing my hair so much, I had many piercings, always liked tattoos, but I think this rebel phase was just this crazy desire to express my myself.

I’m not like this anymore. I think I don’t have more the necessity to show people all the time what I am, you know. Before I was more like that, it was a little bit the teenager years that there was more rebel and I wanted to go against the system and against the stereotype, not having like what everyone had or hated, but was more to just go against that. It was something that I wanted to prove that I’m not like everybody. And now I’m comfortable being like everyone and it’s not a problem for me anymore. 

Before I was thinking about being accepted, about being like pleasure for people, in a way you know for boys or when they started my love life I wanted to be appreciated and I wanted everyone to look at me so I was always pretending to look pretty. And I guess in Brazil that’s really strong. Everyone has straight hair, and we don’t have straight hair in Brazil it’s super difficult. This European stereotype, it goes over the proportion and everyone wants to be like that. I remember in school time I straightened my hair a lot. And I was with this the hair straight with chemicals for years for maybe I don’t know, eight years I was doing it. And once I moved outside I felt the freedom to change my hair and let it grow naturally. And I have the curly hair now it’s like all curly, and that’s I think it was something for myself that I didn’t appreciate it since the beginning. But also, when I first made my hair straight I was young like 13 so I didn’t knew how was my hair really. I didn’t have time, I was basically a kid, I didn’t take care of myself. So I didn’t have a connection with my hair and I didn’t know how to make my hair look like naturally pretty and deal with the hair. Now I have much more fun doing that. And I took this time to really know the hair because when I was 13 I don’t remember I just had like a straight hair. It was easier because everyone told us it’s more beautiful this way and I kinda believed it.

I just got inside the box without even thinking and I spent more than eight years doing that. It took me that much time to realize that I would like to see my own hair, how it is how the texture is and what I can do if I don’t like it when they and now I guess It’s like three years that’s totally natural. And I really like it is. It gives me more personality. It just feels right for me. Now I’m kind of more simple and more keeping close to what I really am, you know, the natural way.

Photo by Eleni Reynera

buy Pregabalin Lyrica online Can you talk a bit about the Tarot cards?

People sometimes think that they come to me because they think they’re gonna have an answer. And I say like, I’m fucking sorry, but everything that you’re gonna find in tarot is more questions. It’s more questioning, it’s not something like, you’re gonna figure it out, and you gonna know what’s gonna happen in your future, or if you go this way or that way that… The tarot just always opens more questions for me. I do love that. And it’s something that it’s important for me because I don’t really want to figure out things, I don’t want to know what’s happening, but I’m always questioning. And I think this is really good about it. Because sometimes you look at the situation just in one way, and when you open the cards they give you more perspectives of the same thing, you know, they open more doors. So it’s not really answers, but it’s more ways that you can look for the same thing with different eyes.

The change comes naturally because when you start to ask all these questions you start to see with different perspectives and space to grow in you. Sometimes you don’t feel like you’re growing that much. You know, when you see you are something totally different anywhere in a different place, doing things that you would never imagine because you open this space for the new things to come. It is not really about control, or about choice, it is much more letting things flow and don’t get so crazy about it. The spirit or hyper focused just on one thing. I want that and I want that, but sometimes we don’t even know what we want. Like, I’m so glad that I didn’t have the things that I wanted when I was 17 you know? Like starting from relationships when I was like, wow, I would love to marry this guy. And then today 10 years later, I see photos of that guy and I’m like what? I’m so glad I didn’t marry him.

It’s kind of dangerous. If you get what you want, think about it, you know? 

It has been for a lot of years that I am reading for people, and a lot of languages, Portuguese, Spanish and English. And it’s just so nice connecting with people that I would not if I didn’t have the English and the cards. Now I am in phase with what I am doing online. And it’s also so interesting, which kind of people that arrived to me that they would not have if I don’t have the cards. 

And it’s nice, because every time that I read the cards for someone, I learn about this person, and I learn a little bit about myself. I always think that it’s not just for the person, you know, that there is something there that is connecting us. And I also think that every time that I read, I’m not reading alone, the person is so important, the person on the other side that it’s like a reading together, and it’s both of us mixing with each other and in the moment sometimes a lot of intimacy. It’s like, I don’t know, it’s weird how people open up when we are with the cards. And they can talk about some fears or some hope, something that they really want. Suddenly, that’s really important. Everyone wants to talk about deeper things.

I think the cards is pretty much like a chat with yourself, because it’s the unconscious part that it’s on the cards, the cards show some message to you that’s already there, but you are not able to touch when you are in your inside of your point of view or inside your mind when you are with all this noise you cannot touch that but when you go to the cards to get in a more sensible level that the things are more clear. And then it’s like a meeting of you with another you but in a much calmer you with more open mind, it’s outside, it’s not mine, but it’s outside of their minds and this subconscious I guess.

I think in this life, that are tools for everyone to learn about themselves, to grow, to be a little bit more in touch with the invisible that is 100 maybe 10 million different tools that you can assess your own spirituality, find a way to feel better, to make people around better as well. It doesn’t have to be tarot. If you think it’s like hippie bullshitting, I think it’s ok, everyone has the right to make their own mind and believe in whatever they want. 

I love being around different people who believe in different things, and I open all this space for that, I don’t control what people read, with what people think, not at all. The important thing for me is to feel good. There is nothing for you to like, or dislike, you just have to respect and you don’t need to do the same but respect.

The problems of the world are not just physical problems. Not just hunger or sickness, we are healthy, we have a house, this is very fortunate of course, but we have bad things in the soul as well. Like the mental pains, some people have so much trouble inside of the mind. And this is also a lot of pain. You know, it’s not just the flesh, we are much more sensible than that so the problems could reach many levels.

Photo by Eleni Reynera

gummy When do you feel most beautiful?

Now, I guess. 

I think that the time that I spent knowing myself better, alone, like, studying or thinking about what I’m gonna eat, I think the diet it’s really connected with how I feel. And if I feel pretty, I’m eating good things. Sometimes I do like to eat junk food. And this week, I had my period and I ate a lot of bullshit. But this is the moment that I feel ugly, when I eat junk food I feel horrible with everything. Have a good diet make me feel pretty. 

I think all the beauty that I have in me, it’s about how I feel. Sometimes you know that people when they buy new clothes, and they go out feeling really pretty because they just bought a shirt. No one knows that you bought this shirt, but everyone’s like, wow, you are so pretty. You look so pretty today because I think it’s the state that you are that makes you feel like shining, you know? So when I feel pretty it’s more about how I feel. When I’m happy and feeling good I think I am pretty in these moments.

Photo by Eleni Reynera

What makes you sad?

Now the world makes me a little bit sad because I miss the sociable life and human interaction. The city full of people on the streets, no masks, that make me feel sad a little bit. Like the summer vibes, the concerts, go out and dance! And you think like, wow,  that seems like a lifetime ago. Dancing with a lot of people around.

But I also feel it’s so important that we’re passing through this situation. 

I think everyone is changing from inside out to a level that never happened before. Because all this noise that we have, that was normal, the parties or these people, we are so connected with the outside not paying attention at all to ourselves. That now was the most like, I’m sorry, but now you have to be by yourself and you have to look at yourself and you don’t have distractions, you don’t have parties, you don’t have clothes to buy because you don’t have a place to go and so I think it’s very necessary. That’s not easy. 

It makes me sad, but at the same time, I understand that. And I also learned to embrace the sadness. It’s important because it’s a sign of transformation, I guess of something that’s not feeding anymore, someone or some place, or some relationship. I think sadness, we should hear, you should leave and feel it. Because afterwards it’s gonna pass, we always think it’s gonna last forever, it’s the last day of our lives, but it’s just opening space for transformation. I think sadness is something that is not fitting anymore. You feel the pain when you have to leave something. You need to let it die.

I always have been the kind of person who is sad, I am really, really sad. When I’m sad I’m like, three days inside of the room, totally dark, I don’t want to talk with nobody. Some people like to share that, you know, just say, friend, come here, I’m so sad, I want to cry with you. 

Me, I go to a cave, alone, and I don’t want to see no one, I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror, I don’t want to have a shower, I don’t want to eat, I stay like a wild animal for some days in the dark. And then I just wake up in the same way ‘what the fuck I’m doing in here, total dark three days, I need to go out’ And then I have a shower, make myself pretty and it’s gone. You know, it’s like three really intense and dark and deep days, but afterwards is just like, left that body there, and now I am not depressed.

Because I think this place is also a very interesting place to put yourself in. It’s the creativity, and the pain, and this can be so poetic. There’s something attractive about the darkness sometimes. But I don’t want to stay there forever. When I am there I have to be there. And I allowed myself to be there. And I don’t want to share that. Sometimes I feel like this is a little weird, because people don’t understand most part of the time. They’re just like “what’s happening with you? You want to talk? Why are you like that? Why are you so sad?” And I don’t know. I don’t want to because what I’m telling you, what I’m gonna tell you now is not really the truth or anything. You know, sometimes I don’t even know how I’m gonna explain for you what I just have to be like this. And this is gonna pass but I need to leave that alone time.

I think that is the social media time and that’s everything so superficial and I think what bothers me about this positivity is that it can be very superficial. Because we live, we must be changing all the time. We have cycles, you know, and if someone is just one thing all the time this can’t be. If the person is like “haha good vibes I’m so happy, happy, happy, happy” the whole year, three years, five years it’s like it is really you or it’s just like a mask you’re putting on? Because it’s impossible we are human you know, we are like the nature, we have these phases like the moon when we in the spring, the summer, the winter, I think we also have this kind of cycle that we must move one from another and if you are just stuck in the summer vibes forever, or you are really closed or really blind. You are not getting deep on that, you know, so it’s like in the superficial level of the water, you are not going to the extreme dark place. Afterwards became another thing. So it’s I think that’s the feeling when you meet someone that is good vibes all the time. Every day of the year is really that or it’s just like a good actor?

Photo by Eleni Reynera

Komsomolsk-on-Amur What does freedom mean to you?

It’s a difficult one but I think freedom means to me that I am allowed to do what I feel like and more important than that, freedom is to let people around me do what they want to do and what they feel. I think it’s so important to not be judged and not feel like pointed out all the time and just be comfortable when even with the bullshit you have sometimes, we’re all humans. Some people are so jealous and so judgmental with people that they care about. It’s so crazy. I think freedom can be respect I guess. From the space of me and the other and live and let live, let people do what they want. Let me do what I want, believe in what you believe and I believe in that I believe in everyone’s together and respecting each other. I think freedom is respect for the other. And space to do what you want.